TV as it should be

October 4, 2010, 11:35 AM
Filed under: Miscellanea

It is with great pleasure that I announce the launch of a new digital channel. It is my channel. It is completely real and doesn’t only exist in my head or anything. Quite real. Here are its flagship programs. They all exist. Remember: they’re real!

Gordon Ramsey’s I Would Not Feed That Shit To My Dog

Gordon Ramsey visits homes across the UK and US. He arrives unexpectedly, kicks in the door and rummages angrily through the owner’s fridge. He is not pleased by anything he finds there, and storms out, vowing never to return. He returns.

Matt Preston Argues With Rosemary Shrager

Fans of Masterchef and Ladette to Lady alike will enjoy this robust half-hour. Preston and Shrager debate the issues of the day, and sometimes kiss.

Fight! Fight and kiss!

Supuraizu Catsu!

This popular Japanese series has a simple premise. While you are out, host Toshiro Shigemoto enters your home, and fills it with thousands of cats, which become your responsibility!

Dance Dance Massacre

Ballroom dancing. Also, snipers.

Irate Drunken Customers Are Refused Passage On Low-Budget Airlines

Twelve Emmys later, and it’s still fresh.

(So I’ve just re-read all this, and it occurs to me that all I really want from television is for someone to start yelling.)