The Enchanted World of Fungal Infections – or – Weird Knock-off Frozen Flash Games

March 8, 2015, 1:47 PM
Filed under: Miscellanea

The other day the multi-talented Kris Anderson wanted to show me an app he felt would be relevant to my mature and sensible interests. He was quite right – it was a Disney photobooth app that turned me into Princess Anna from Frozen. Obviously, I was delighted, and wanted it for my own. Alas: when I searched for it, it was only for iPhone. How I wept!

Fortunately, when Walt’s cryogenically preserved head closes a door, it opens a window. A terrifying, non-licensed window. My googling quickly lead me down a rabbit hole of strange knock-off flash games, all featuring the characters from Frozen. I was vaguely aware that such things existed, but I wasn’t aware of the extent of the horror. Now I am. Now I know.

Elsa Ear Emergency

Don’t worry, your Majesty. I’m a professional.

The cold never bothered her anyway. Ear infections are another story. I snipped away some excess royal ear hair, drained away some royal fetid ear fluid, syringed some nasty royal ear boils and hunted mean-looking royal ear bacteria with a sparkly gun. She’s fine now.

Elsa Foot Doctor

Surely she could freeze her own warts.

Okay, maybe she’s not fine. It seems she assertively here-I-stand foot stomped directly onto a gangrenous echidna and left the wounds to fester. I’m beginning to have serious concerns about the Snow Queen’s attitude to personal hygiene.

Frozen Anna Tooth Care

‘So when did you last go to the dentist?’
‘Well…this is pretty much the first time in forever.’

Oh, good! It runs in the family! Little sister Princess Anna is just as lax when it comes to self care. Maybe this is why that app wanted me to smile with my mouth closed and smeared virtual lipstick on my teeth when I wouldn’t play by its rules.

Anna Cleaning Bathroom

Pictured: the worst palace in the world.

A ray of hope! Anna’s ventured into the bathroom (hopefully to brush her teeth) and decided she might as well wipe the feces off the sink. Good for her!

Pregnant Elsa School Teacher

It’s cool: she has a blue card.

Elsa would help, but she has other fish to fry. Being a Snow Queen isn’t the well-paying gig you’d imagine, so she does some substitute teaching here and there. Sadly, magical ice dresses don’t seem to be available in maternity sizes.

Elsa Toilet Decoration

I’VE BEEN SAVING LET IT GO FOR THIS ONE

Home from work (via the clinic, it seems), the Queen takes her place on the newly-cleaned throne. You can tell it’s a very pretty toilet because it has wings. Surely this return to hygiene heralds good fortune for the royal sisters!

Anna Frozen Brain Surgery

Or not.

Magical. Just magical.

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Horrifying.

Comment by Dan Beeston March 8, 2015 @ 10:03 PM